I'm really sorry about not posting this earlier. After going over my rough draft I have changed some of my commentary to reflect both my own opinion and the thesis better.I have noticed in my paragraph the word mature came up a lot. I have changed that and used different synonoms. In our transissions from paragraph to paragraph we are slightly contradicting each other and using some of the words in the packet can make that much easier.
What are some things that you guys remembered needed to be changed? I might need a little bit of help on my commentary. If anything else comes up, email.
